Conflict Resolution Process

A healthy relationship to conflict and a clear process for addressing it is one of the most crucial aspects of any community. Even healthy communities can be easy to break and very difficult to build. Any withholds (unexpressed concerns, judgements, resentments, etc) we carry between ourselves and another are fertile ground for collusion and fracturing in the community. If someone is upset about something with a particular person and we share that same upset, it creates fragility in the community and feeds into polarization.

It is the sovereign responsibility of each member of this community to not complain or hold hostilities and resentments towards others in the community. It is your responsibility to share withholds with other community members with them directly and at the earliest convenience. If you are not stepping up to address your withholds, you are compromising the whole. Doing this relational hygiene work is essential for functioning and thriving of the collective. It can be uncomfortable and scary to do this work, but it is the responsibility of each one of us and there is a process in place to support you in doing so. ONE|Boulder’s conflict resolution process is as follows:

1. Address withholds and points of frustration directly, at the earliest convenience

   1. If you find yourself harboring or resonating with the complaints of another, this is a clear sign to move into conversation with the person being discussed immediately. It is also your service to this community to recommend the person complaining does the same and that you will be no part of creating further separation.

2. If you do not feel comfortable bringing your concern directly, request mediation. If a person is voicing concern to you and when encouraged to discuss directly, they express fear and resistance, offer to mediate (if you feel no charge and wish to mediate) or connect them with a mediator if you do not wish to mediate yourself, and especially if you feel a charge with the material presented

   1. A mediator is there to keep the peace and support the process of hearing one another. Reflective listening is a primary tool: one person speaks and the listener reflects back exactly what they heard before responding and moving into their own turn as the speaker. The first person to speak reflects back exactly what they heard and this continues in a back-and-forth cycle until tension is cleared and/or mutual understanding is reached.

3. If a conflict arises where multiple parties are impacted or a mediated conversation proves insufficient to return to connection and understanding, a Unitive Justice circle is called.

   1. More about unitive justice here - contact Erik Lawyer to schedule